What If Automakers Were Musicians?
by
Mike Schlee
Published: December 22nd, 2015
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Sometimes, when we’re sitting around the AutoGuide.com offices, we come up with answers to questions no ever asked.
Questions like what if automakers were popular musicians? As absurd and useless this endeavour may seem, there are a lot of historic similarities between popular musical artists and automakers. Don’t believe us? Read on! And let us know your own favorite musician and automaker matchups in the comments section below.
Acura would be Oasis – Great in the 1990s, it appears they’re on the verge of a major comeback in the next year or two.
Aston Martin would be Gwen Stefani – Talented, a bit niche and still sexy after all these years, there’s a certain allure that has created millions of fans the world over.
Audi would be Bon Jovi – Still huge and sticking to what made them famous, why mess with a winning formula?
BMW would be Dr. Dre – Dabbling in a bit of everything, they continue to turn out successful products and rake in the money.
Buick would be Tony Bennett – An all-time favorite of the older generations, lately they’ve found some younger partners to collaborate with in hopes of a new, more youthful fan base.
Cadillac would be Green Day – Who says you can’t make a successful comeback? After some dark years, they came roaring back in the mid-2000s.
Chevrolet would be KISS – a band that should have been straight out of Detroit, they may have had their up and downs over the years, but not many have achieved as much success throughout their history.
Dodge would be Bruce Springsteen – the sound, style and performance still screams “America!” at the top of their lungs.
Ferrari would be Ellie Goulding – Sexy good looks, tons of talent and a sound that is oh so unmistakable.
Fiat Chrysler Automobiles would be Chickenfoot – A super group that showed so much promise. Things did not go as planned.
Ford would be Paul McCartney – Helped lead one of the biggest groups in the industry, but since going solo, has found a ton of success as a hit-producing machine.
General Motors would be the Traveling Wilburys – a group made up of some serious talent that has seen various players come and go over the years.
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Honda would be Missy Elliot – After a lot of success, things cooled off for a few years, but 2015 was a promising year and even bigger things are on the horizon.
Hyundai would be Justin Timberlake – A lot of their early stuff was laughable and utter crap, but now they turned into one of the best in the industry.
Infiniti would be Kanye West – After finding success on their own, they’re leaning on their friends at Mercedes-Benz for a little extra help.
Jaguar Land Rover would be Dave Grohl – Was once a member of one of the largest groups in the world, due to circumstances beyond their control, they were forced to go solo. But with some new partners, they’re still turning out the hits.
Jeep would be Phish – If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, Jeep and its fans don’t care.
Kia would be Lady Gaga – Seemingly coming out of nowhere, they’ve become a household name and big time player in a very short period of time.
Lamborghini would be Dave Navarro – A talented, flashy player that keeps getting bounced around from group to group. Looks like it might be time to relocate once again.
Lexus would be Michael Bublé – Inoffensive and classy, fans all over the world love them for that certain unmistakable style.
(FILES) British musician Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones performs on the Pyramid Stage on the fourth day of the Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts near Glastonbury, southwest England, in this June 29, 2013 file photo. Richards will turn 70-years-old on December 18. AFP PHOTO/ANDREW COWIE / FILESANDREW COWIE/AFP/Getty Images
Lotus would be Keith Richards – Seemingly around forever, reports of their demise are premature. They’re indeed still alive and kicking and even producing new products!
Maserati would be Black Sabbath – It’s all about making a loud, magnificent sound, isn’t it?
Mazda would be Primus – Most appreciate and respect what they do and consider them very talented. Yet, great commercial success continues to elude them.
McLaren Automotive would be Adele – A relative British newcomer on the scene, so far, it’s been an impressive run with hit after hit.
Mercedes-Benz would be Jay-Z – Successful at pretty much whatever they do, they’ve been in the game a long time and show no signs of stopping soon. They have a close relationship with Nissan and Infiniti.
MINI would be the Jackson 5 – Just because they aren’t full size doesn’t mean they aren’t any good.
Mitsubishi would be Guns and Roses – With its best days occurring in the ’80s and ’90s, we’re all waiting for the much-anticipated comeback that is scheduled to happen in the next year or so.
Nissan would be Beyoncé – Widely popular the world over, things are getting a bit too familiar, but we’re sure there will be another big hit soon.
Porsche would be the Rolling Stones – One of the greatest of all time, they had to go a little more mainstream to continue doing what they love – getting out there and performing in front of a crowd.
Rolls-Royce would be Plácido Domingo – It’s all about classic style, luxury and performance. Gaining entry to the show is just going to cost you a lot of money.
Scion would be Brit Floyd – The industry’s best cover band proves that if you just close your eyes and take it all in, it feels just like the real thing.
Smart would be that guy playing solo at your local bar – A heavily city-based product, there’s still something alluring to this simple, small production.
Arcade Fire
Subaru would be Arcade Fire – Were a small, quirky manufacturer with a devoted following, but have gone more mainstream lately. Loved in Canada.
Tesla would be the Sex Pistols – Not conforming to society’s ideals and the status quo, this brand goes by the beat of its own drum. But they will gladly take your money.
Toyota would be Taylor Swift – Although there’s a fair share of haters, they know how to make products the general public loves and are laughing all the way to the bank.
Volkswagen would be the Monkees – Caught faking it, it’s now up to them to prove they can actually perform like we were led to believe. Will their next product be the equivalent of Head?
Volvo would be Men Without Hats – We can dance, We can dance, Everybody’s taking the cha-nce, It’s a safety dance!
A 20+ year industry veteran, Mike rejoins the AutoGuide team as the Managing Editor. He started his career at a young age working at dealerships, car rentals, and used car advertisers. He then found his true passion, automotive writing. After contributing to multiple websites for several years, he spent the next six years working at the head office of an automotive OEM, before returning back to the field he loves. He is a member of the Automobile Journalists Association of Canada (AJAC), and Midwest Automotive Media Association (MAMA). He's the recipient of a feature writing of the year award and multiple video of the year awards.
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Love this feature. Detroit will soon be coming with torches and pitchforks though... KISS is from Jersey though (I know, the song, we love the homage, but Jersey)
Awesome list!